The Essential Questions to Ask Your Provider (And Why You Should Never Be Afraid to Ask Them) 💬

One of the most empowering things you can do during pregnancy is to ask questions. Good questions. Hard questions. Questions that help you make truly informed decisions about your care and your baby's birth.

But here's the thing: many of us were raised to be "good patients" who don't question medical authority. We nod, smile, and trust that our providers always know best. While healthcare providers are incredibly knowledgeable, you deserve to understand the reasoning behind their recommendations and to be an active participant in your care decisions. 💪

Today, we're diving into the essential questions you should feel empowered to ask your provider, starting with one of the most common (and often fear-inducing) situations: being told your baby is "too big." 👶

When Your Provider Says Your Baby is "Too Big" 📏

Picture this: You're at a routine prenatal appointment when your provider casually mentions that your baby might be "too big" and suggests discussing a cesarean or induction. Your heart starts racing, your mind fills with worry, and suddenly you're questioning everything about your birth plan.

Sound familiar? You're not alone. This scenario happens to countless women, and it's exactly when asking the right questions becomes crucial.

Here are 5 essential questions I would ask if a provider told me my baby was going to be "too big":

1️⃣ "Have you ever been wrong about birth size predictions?" 🤔

This question gets to the heart of prediction accuracy. Most honest providers will admit that yes, they've been wrong before. Sometimes significantly wrong!

Why this matters: Birth weight predictions, whether from ultrasound, fundal height measurements, or even just "looking" at you, are notoriously inaccurate. Understanding your provider's track record with predictions can help you put their current assessment in perspective.

2️⃣ "What is the likelihood I don't experience complications due to my baby's size?" 📊

This flips the conversation from focusing on potential problems to understanding the probability of a normal, uncomplicated birth.

The reality: Many, many women have "big babies" with absolutely no complications. Your pelvis is designed to open and accommodate your baby, and pelvic size doesn't correlate with your external body size the way many people think it does.

3️⃣ "How accurate is the method you use to determine baby's size, and what is the average error rate according to research?" 🔬

This question asks for evidence-based information about the diagnostic method being used.

What research shows: Ultrasound weight estimates in the third trimester can be off by 10-15% in either direction. That means a baby estimated at 9 pounds could actually weigh anywhere from about 7.5 to 10.5 pounds!

Personal story: With my first baby, I actually had a provider predict my baby's weight just by looking at me and measuring my belly with a tape measure. And I believed it! 🤯 SPOILER ALERT: That prediction was off by several pounds. It's a good reminder that even medical professionals can make very inaccurate predictions.

4️⃣ "What percentage of women actually have Cephalopelvic Disproportion (CPD)?" 📈

CPD is when a baby literally cannot fit through the mother's pelvis. It's often cited as a reason for cesarean sections.

The facts: True CPD is actually quite rare. Most cases of "CPD" are actually related to positioning issues, timing, or other factors that can be addressed without surgery.

5️⃣ "What are the risks of having a large baby? What do you consider a large baby?" ⚖️

This gets specific about both definitions and actual risks.

Important context: "Large" is relative. Some providers consider anything over 8 pounds to be large, while others don't worry until 9 or 10 pounds. Understanding their threshold and the evidence behind their concerns helps you make informed decisions.

The Power of Informed Questions 🌟

Let me be clear: asking these questions isn't about challenging your provider or being difficult. It's about getting a clearer understanding of their thoughts and recommendations so you can make the best decision for you and your baby.

You have the right to:

• Understand the reasoning behind recommendations

• Know the accuracy of diagnostic tests

• Hear about both risks AND benefits

• Get evidence-based information

• Take time to make decisions (except in true emergencies)

More Essential Provider Questions 🗣️

Beyond the "big baby" scenario, here are other crucial questions to ask your provider throughout your pregnancy:

About Their Practice Philosophy:

• "What is your cesarean rate? Induction rate? Episiotomy rate?"

• "How do you typically handle labor that's progressing slowly?"

• "What's your policy on delayed cord clamping?"

• "How do you support women who want unmedicated births?"

About Interventions:

• "What are the benefits and risks of this procedure/medication?"

• "What happens if we wait? What happens if we don't do this?"

• "How urgent is this decision? Can I have time to think about it?"

• "Are there alternatives to consider?"

About Labor and Delivery:

• "What birth positions do you support?"

• "Can I eat and drink during labor?"

• "How do you handle requests for intermittent monitoring?"

• "What's your approach to the pushing stage?"

Questions for Doula Interviews 🤱

If you're considering hiring a doula, here are essential questions to ask:

About Their Experience:

• "How many births have you attended?"

• "What's your experience with [specific situation relevant to you]?"

• "How do you handle emergencies or unexpected situations?"

About Their Support Style:

• "How do you support partners during labor?"

• "What comfort techniques do you specialize in?"

• "How do you help with advocacy and communication?"

About Logistics:

• "What happens if you're unavailable when I go into labor?"

• "Do you provide postpartum support?"

• "What's included in your fee?"

The Art of Advocacy 💼

Here's something important: good providers welcome questions. They want you to be informed and comfortable with your care. If a provider seems defensive, dismissive, or unwilling to discuss evidence behind their recommendations, that tells you something important about your relationship.

🚩Red flags:

• "Don't worry about it, just trust me"

• "This is just how we do things"

• "You're being too anxious/difficult"

• Unwillingness to discuss evidence or alternatives

💚Green flags:

• Welcomes questions and takes time to answer them

• Explains reasoning behind recommendations

• Discusses both benefits and risks

• Respects your decision-making process

• Admits when they're not sure about something

Making Informed Decisions 🧠

Remember, informed consent means understanding:

• What is being recommended and why

• The benefits of the recommendation

• The risks of the recommendation

• Alternatives available

• What happens if you do nothing

You can't make truly informed decisions without this information, and you deserve providers who support your right to have it.

Your Voice Matters 📢

I want to share something that might surprise you: many complications and interventions happen not because they're medically necessary, but because no one asked the right questions or advocated for alternatives.

You are not being difficult when you ask questions. You're being responsible. You're being an advocate for yourself and your baby. You're exercising your right to be an informed participant in your own healthcare.

Check Out This Important Discussion! 📱

I go deeper into these "big baby" questions in this Instagram reel where you can see exactly how to approach these conversations with your provider. Sometimes seeing the questions laid out helps you feel more confident about asking them!

Building Your Question List 📝

As you prepare for appointments, consider:

• Writing down questions beforehand (pregnancy brain is real!)

• Bringing your partner or a support person to help you remember important points

• Taking notes during the appointment

• Asking for time to think about major decisions

• Getting second opinions when you're unsure

The Bottom Line 💗

Your pregnancy and birth experience belong to YOU. While medical professionals are there to guide and support you, you are the one living this experience, and you deserve to understand what's happening and why.

Never apologize for asking questions. Never feel like you're being "difficult" for wanting to understand your care. And never feel pressured to make decisions without getting the information you need.

Whether you're asking about baby size predictions, intervention recommendations, or birth preferences, remember that good healthcare is a partnership. You bring invaluable knowledge about your own body, values, and preferences. Your provider brings medical expertise. Together, you can make decisions that are right for you and your baby.

Who has had a "big baby"? What was your experience like? I'd love to hear from you about how these conversations went with your provider and what questions were most helpful in your decision-making process! 💕

Want to feel more confident advocating for yourself during pregnancy and birth? Our HypnoBirthing classes at Happy Birthing AZ include modules on communication and advocacy, helping you build the skills to have productive conversations with your healthcare team. Because every mama deserves to feel informed, heard, and empowered throughout her birth journey. 🌵